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Swag Sonic the Hedgehog
Swag Sonic the Hedgehog is the character played by the famous Sonic the Hedgehog in Sonic For Hire. Important Notice for Morons *Anyone confusing him for Big Bird will be prosecuted. *Anyone confusing him for Mega Zapdos will be shot. *Anyone confusing him for Ugandan Knuckles will be forced to hear the Selena Gomez album Revival. Description Swag Sonic is lazy, selfish, sarcastic, and self-obsessed. Despite those flaws he had a good heart, he is perturbed by someone when he or she was killing all the residents of Dream Land, even crying when he or she killed one himself or herself, and he is against someone killing all of his or her; however, Swag Sonic claimed to have a knack for murder. Swag Sonic has a child named Soniqua that is part hedgehog and part mutant brain monster. After failing to kill her, he realises that she can be very helpful after saving him on numerous occasions. He usually avoids paying child-care so he can have more money to spend on himself. However, it seems Soniqua is in his custody because she's been hanging around Sonic in his office when he became the new mob boss. Despite having to pay child support and sometimes not wanting anything to do with her, Sonic has shown signs of caring about her, and even being affectionate to her. He even seemed happy that she is alive. It could be possible Soniqua ceases to exist due to the fact Sonic changed the past. Swag Sonic has two more kids, a set of twins, a son and another daughter, due to having sex with Lucca (who were erased from history, due to him using the Epoch to prevent that from happening). Sonic doesn't hesitate to do drugs or drink whenever offered. He also smoking cracks in the bathroom. Out of carelessness, Sonic sometimes calls rings "coins". Sonic seems to have a drug problem. For some odd reason in the Tapper bar, Sonic had an odd addiction to lead. He got lead poisoning from drinking lead. Sonic also claims during the 6 months he spent as a mob boss he got alcohol poisoning, food poisoning, and sun poisoning. Sonic's first sign of having a drug problem was shown when he was dreaming of getting a job with ToeJam and Earl. Swag Sonic used to have an old Dominique Wilkins poster, which he was very possesive of. He loves watching it, over a TV anyday and was heartbroken when it was destroyed by Mario. To replace his poster, he found the real Dominique Wilkins, and had him frozen in carbonite, only for him to be set free by Darth Vader, which angered Swag Sonic. However, Dominique Wilkins was seen celebrating with Swag Sonic. After Dominique Wilkins disapears, Swag Sonic replaces him with a Gerald Wilkins poster. His relationship with Tails is a bit edgy as Tails screwed Swag Sonic out of all his money and won't hesitate to insult him. Swag Sonic claims that he values his poster over Swag Tails's life anyday, and Swag Tails said to Mario that Swag Sonic couldn't give a shit if he lived or died. Never the less they still seem to care for eachother as Swag Sonic needs Swag Tails's help to get him through jobs and Tails willingly helps Swag Sonic out. Swag Tails eventually turns on Swag Sonic, and tries to take over the mob family, which causes the boys to fight and ends it with Swag Tails blowing up the money. Swag Sonic is married to Mother Brain, and thus Soniqua was born. Swag Sonic was used a few times for prositution "as he mentioned it" for he was hired by Thunderhead to make out with Tyris Flare. He also seems to have pervy side since he made out with Birdo after he killed Toad, not caring if she was either male or female. He also made a roofied cocktail for the cheerleaders. Swag Sonic doesn't seem to mind gay people, claiming that there was nothing wrong with being gay. Swag Sonic also treats his friends, especially Dr. Swag Eggman and Swag Tails, like crap and will use them at times to get what he wants. Though, he seems to value them a lot. He seems to really despize Thunderhead for his perverted personality, and he's creeped out by Kirby for his love of murdering. Despite that, he seems to care about them. He was willing to make sure they all had a good life once he changed the past. Swag Sonic starts to feel the stress from being a mob boss and all that pressure leads him to try to fight the dog, only to get the crap beaten out of him, until Swag Tails saves him with Soniqua's help. When Swag Tails tries to take over the position of Mob Boss, Swag Sonic fights him, only to end up injured and broke after Swag Tails blows up the money and office. Swag Sonic tries to get his life together again and manages to work at Burger Time again. He tells Swag Knuckles he changed his ways and is no longer selfish, rude, or a jerk anymore. However, because Swag Tails kept rubing his success in Swag Sonic's face and threw a vanilla shake at his face, Swag Sonic goes back to his old ways. Swag Sonic might be suffering from seizures. He reunites with Swag Tails, and covers up his plan to murder Swag Tails by telling him that he should get some top-billing, but Swag Tails becomes very trustworthy of this. Swag Sonic goes to South America to pick up Swag Eggman and Swag Earthworm Jim, but Swag Eggman was far too reluctant to leave, so he was dragged away by Swag Sonic and Swag Jim. Then, Swag Tails and Swag Sonic had agreed to switch roles during production of "Two Bad Characters", so that Swag Tails can "spice up" Swag Sonic's boring life, much to the annoyance of Swag Sonic. Swag Sonic runs into a boiler room to finish off Swag Tails, who follows him into the room. Swag Sonic then presumably urinates on the boiler after hearing screams of fright causing it to explode and blasting him and Swag Tails to into outer space. Swag Sonic gets even with Swag Tails by hitting him and insulting him. He is then made the new captain of StarFox, since Fox was gone, and Peppy and Slippy didn't want Swag Tails as their leader. He is now currently undertaking missions for the leader of a space organization. Later he reunites with Swag Jim and Swag Eggman. During that time, he apologizes to Swag Jim and Swag Eggman for what happened at the movie premire, and let them insult Swag Tails. During their time in space, Swag Sonic grows bored with it, and starts to get hungry. It seems he was willing to eat anything, such as he was willing to eat the alien eggs, and the alien that shot out of Swag Tails's stomach. Although, he desired to eat Swag Eggman if they didn't find any food in "Blaster Master". Swag Sonic then decides to change the past so he can have a better life, but it proves to be a lot of trouble since people keep stealing the epoch. Swag Eggman stated that Swag Sonic is a master of disguise. Category:Characters Category:Hedgehogs Category:Sonic the Hedgehog Category:Males Category:Mobians Category:Sonic For Hire Category:Power Level Over 9000